Happy 2nd Birthday, Noah!

My little boy is two years old today!  I can hardly believe it.  Even though this day is very special to us and we do all the usual celebrating, it is not as important to our family as October 10th.  On this day, we were honored to meet Noah for the first time.  After many, many years of trying to have a baby, and going through all the pain associated with infertility, we finally called it quits and decided that God was leading us in a new direction.  So, we began the adoption process.  It took about a year and then we were told that we would wait approximately three years for a newborn.  Well, four days after submitting our paperwork, we were overwhelmed to learn that Noah's birth mother chose us to be his parents.  To this day, we are extremely grateful to this brave, young women.  I cannot imagine the strength it must take to choose the path of adoption.  I know for her, the easiest solution would have been abortion.  One quick procedure and she could be done with the whole thing.  But, she chose to carry, care for, and nourish this life for nine long months and for this selfless act, I will never forget her.  I hope on this day, she is able to feel a huge sense of pride and what she did for us.  Noah has been the greatest gift imaginable.  I have so many people ask me if I feel cheated that after all we went through, and spent, to get him, he would end up with brain cancer.  I can honestly say that I had I known he would get this horrible illness, I would still choose to adopt him.  No matter how long we have him for, he is a gift from God and he makes every day worth it.  If you would like to read more about my dear son or his battle with brain cancer, please log into http://www.carepages.com/ and look for NoahS.

Review of Hungry: A Mother and Daughter Fight Anorexia

Knowing that it would be hard to read, and even harder to write about Lisa and Sheila Himmel's book dealing with anorexia, I still knew that it was something I needed to do.  This subject is a very personal one for me.  I spent many years battling anorexia and continue to struggle with body image issues.  However, because I feel that it is so important for women and girls to be open and honest about the subject, I knew that I needed to read the book and discuss it on my blog.  Too often, I feel like women are afraid to admit that they worry about weight, like it makes us somehow weaker.  Maybe it is because as a mom, we have this need to appear that we have it all together, you know, like we are "super mom."  Admitting to a problem would smudge this image for others.  However, I know that many women battle eating disorders, whether bulimia or anorexia, and one of the roads to recovery is to acknowledge the problem and then seek help.  I am in no means a professional but I do hope to offer encouragement through my blog.  Although I did not find Lisa's book helpful as a recovery tool, it does not seem that the book was intended to serve such a purpose.  However, it is an extremely worthwhile read for any mother, especially one with a daughter, or son for that matter, since eating disorders strike both genders.  It is eye-opening to read the warning signs and to sympathsize with Lisa for missing some of the early ones.  It will definitely help you to keep your eyes open for some of these in your own children.  As a parent, it is so easy to empathize with Lisa and her husband as they try to determine the best course of treatment for their daughter.  I found myself thinking of my own son and the hours I spend wondering if the plan of attack we have chosen is the best possible.  Any parent who has watched their child suffer will relate to the pain that Lisa feels at watching her daughter basically wasting away.  One of the worst feelings is to watch your child suffer and have no tools to do anything to make it better.  This is a hard book to read and definitely not something to tackle if you want something light and fluffy, but it is very worthwhile and unforgettable. 

Am I all Alone??

Last night, I googled "moms and childhood cancer" to try to find some other moms with a connection.  I came up with nothing.  I know there are other moms out there who find themselves on this horrific journey with their child.  I just need to find them.  Lately, I feel myself slipping away from my friends with children.  I listen to them complain about sleepless nights or teething troubles and I try to care.  I really want to.  The problem is, I would give every fiber of my being to share those concerns.  I want to worry about the small things and not endure sleepless nights wondering if my child will make it to three when he can finally get the radiation he needs to give him a small glimmer of hope.  It is exhausting trying to relate to other moms so I find myself avoiding them instead which leaves me feeling guilty and lonely.  If you know of a mom that really gets what I am going through, send them my way.  We just might be able to make this journey a little easier for each other.

Review of The Girl who Stopped Swimming

Finally blog readers, a book that I did not hate!  I am pleased to report that I enjoyed reading The Girl who Stopped Swimming by Joshilyn Jackson.  I was looking forward to reading this book because I liked her previous book, Gods in Alabama. I thought this book was another suspenseful and character driven novel by this author.  I was pulled into the story from the first chapter when Laurel is visited by a ghost who ends up leading her to her own pool where she finds a thirteen year old girl, face down.  Of course, I immediately wanted to find out whether she can really see ghosts and how the girl ended up drowning in the pool.  Jackson manages to combine a few elements of a ghost story with enough mystery to entice readers.  The novel moves between Laurel's  present search for answers and hints of her difficult past.  I have a difficult time getting into books that lack strong characters, but this was not a problem in this book.  The character's possess memorable personality and quirkiness to add to the novel.  I found myself addicted to this novel and reading as quickly as possible to see how the mystery unraveled.

Review of Speed Shrinking by Susan Shapiro

I have to admit that the only reason I chose to read Speed Shrinking by Susan Shapiro was because there was literally no selection at the local library.  It did not sound like a great book but I was hopefully optimistic that it would surprise me.  Sadly, this was not the case.  I forced myself to get through this book and hated every minute.  The main character, Julie, spends most of the book whining about her life which, to me, sounds pretty great.  She has a lucrative book deal, successful husband, amazing apartment, and plenty of money...what's so bad about all that?  Geez...she should walk in my shoes one day!  Her biggest problems are that her best friend and shrink have abandoned her.  Her relationship with her shrink borders on disturbingly obsessive and her constant need to quote his advice makes the book even more annoying.  The author's overuse of dialogue and snappy one-liners were enough to turn me off of the book.  I feel bad that I have reviewed three books in a row and cannot say that I liked any of them.  I seem to be in a rut of reading lousy books. Anyone have a suggestion for a good book to break my streak?

A message on faith

Do you have faith?  Do you believe that no matter what God throws at you, there is a reason?  I always thought I believed that but then God gave my little boy a rare form of brain cancer 4 days after my other son was born.  How do you have faith when that happens?  I have found through this journey that I have MORE faith than before.  You see, when there is absolutely nothing that enables you to get through the day, that is when you learn that you either lean on God or don't make it.  Every day, I have people ask me how I manage to smile, read, and yes, blog....and I have to say that it is God's grace.  I don't understand why God gave my boy cancer but I do know that He has a reason and He needs me to keep living...one day at a time..to find out.  So, today's blog is a message on this faith to hopefully touch someone out there that is living through the same journey as me.

Review of Life Without Summer by Lynne Griffin

Okay...here it is.  I have a two year old with brain cancer.  I say this now because it ties into the book "Life Without Summer."  I knew reading this book would be hard.  The mother in the story, Tessa, loses her daughter when she is horrifically struck by a car in a hit and run accident.  Of course, I still have my beloved boy but I fear the loss of him on a daily basis.  For this reason, I sort of dreaded reading this book because I can IMAGINE her pain.  It was as hard to read as I thought.  Even if you are not facing the loss of child, any mother would have a hard time reading this book.  The pain Tessa feels at losing her only daughter is just heartbreaking.  To be honest, I like to read books to escape life and this book was just too depressing.  It is not a book you want to read unless you like to cry.  It was hard to witness the downhill spiral of this mother and to experience that pain.  I dreaded picking the book up each time.  Okay...I confess here that I did not finish the book.  It was just too sad and too hard for me.  I have a rule that I have to finish a book once I start it and I am breaking that rule on this book.  I promise not to make it a habit!

Review of What I Thought I Knew by Alice Eve Cohen

I did not expect to like this book by Alice Eve Cohen.  I tried for ten years to have a baby and I figured that I would despise reading about a woman who got pregnant, found out there was probably something horrifically wrong about the baby, and then contemplated aborting or giving the baby up for adoption.  However, I really could not put this book down and enjoyed every second of it.  The author was clearly torn between her choices for this unexpected baby.  She wanted to love this baby from the beginning and that is where she evoked my compassion for her.  She could not understand why she did not immediately feel a mother's love for her and she wrestled with the guilt that this brought.  How many of us have at one time wondered if we really love that screaming newborn..especially at 2 am?  I liked the honesty in the writing and the unique style the author used in listing what she "thought she knew" in each chapter.